EXCLUSIVE - A NEW BEAUTY FEATURE :
A SELECTION OF ALL THE SHADES AND STYLES THAT MAKE THIS MODERN WASILLA HOCKEY MOM HER MOST BEAUTIFUL BEST
Monday September 15 2008
Presenting THE SARAH PALIN LIPSTICK COLLECTION
Batom em um porco? Please, Mr. Obama, we beg to differ.
The real statement is who can not love this woman. Like a radiant landscape of fetid petals and stamen, Sarah Palin has unfurled her bulging flower upon America, smothering us with a simple edict: "Accept it." And we do, Sarah, don't worry, we all do.
How can we not?
Here to celebrate Mrs. Palin's life and accomplishments is this fine selection of cosmetics. Formed from the fat and oil of the protected tundra, and guaranteed tested positive on animals for skin rash, eye irritation, blisters, and asthma - we proudly present The Sarah Palin Lipstick Collection:
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Item No. 287-G
The EVANGELICAL
The Holiest of all shades.
Subject to availability and community approval. Please inquire. Ask for "God's Law" |
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Item No. 134-zzh
The PTA Mom
Be your own army of one with this diminutive and common hue. Available in bulk box of 50. Includes free newsletter. |
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Item No. 942-Bg
"SAMBO BEAT THE BITCH"
Palin's best contested quote on Obama's victory over Hillary Clinton is memorialized in this gold-plated balm. |
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Item No. 74-Xpn
The COAT HANGER
Legislate a return to the good old days of women's history with this rusty stain.
To apply: place inbetween lips and yank. |
| SAVE MONEY: Swab attacker during assault, and lipstick doubles as its own DNA sample. No expensive kit needed. Do your part to trim down needlessly large government and look beautiful in the process. |
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Item No. 070-P
WIKIPEDIA
The color of instant information is yours in a constantly updated database. Perfect for book reports and public speechmaking. |
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Item No. 000-D
UNMET HEADS OF STATE PACK
An assortment of blank casings acknowledging Mrs Palin as the only VP candidate in thirty years to have never met a foreign leader. |
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Item No. XX9-Zeus
HOLY WAR IS GOD'S PLAN, ACT II
Kill the arabs! Chop their godless heads off and shit down their throats, with this specially priced shade of pink. |
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Item No. 118-Drl
EXPLOITING ECONOMIC ANXIETY
Prioritize the shortsighted destruction of one of America's last untouched landscapes. Available in brown and crude. |
RELATED - COLLECTIBLE FIGURINE - FOR CHILDREN
An attractive Sarah Palin signature lipstick collectible with propeller lipstick cap, and removable tortured non-toxic plastic wolf
The girls will love it for the lipstick and the boys will love it for the plane.
They'll both love the dead animal and the quality Sarah Palin brand lipstick - included right there on the toy!
While God looks down in disgust, relive the invigorating inexplicable thrill of taunting one of this planet's most intelligent creatures with this fun toy. Ages six and above. Based on Palin's own thirst for animal abuse. Free with every fifty sticks of lipstick purchased. A Sarah Palin political exclusive!
ORDERS PROCESSED FOR QUALIFYING CUSTOMERS ONLY. ANY ATTEMPT AT ORDERING A WOLF FIGURINE WITHOUT REACHING NECESSARY LIPSTICK QUOTA WILL RESULT IN A DISQUALIFICATION OF YOUR ENTIRE ORDER AND A $25.00 SERVICE FEE ADDED TO YOUR ACCOUNT.
INDICATE ONE FIGURINE FOR EACH FIFTIETH STICK:
FINAL ITEM - LIMITED QUANTITIES:
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Item No. 869-Wwjd
SARAH PALIN TOILET WATER
Comes with Pregnancy test and
Statement of Moral Obligation. 4 oz. |
Included with all orders: Census information of women with special needs children, for use in speeches.
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