RNC WEEK - DAY TWO
Last updated Tuesday Sept 2, 10:14 p.m. CST
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RNC DAY TWO, September 2 2008 evening
THE RNC - UNINTENTIONALLY TOO HONEST IN ITS NEW HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT TO GOP: "Serve a Cause Greater Than Yourself"
WHO WRITES THIS SHIT?
Who makes this stuff up? Who could make this stuff up? In a quiet day with fewer protests (the kids are all locked up) the focus turns to the Convention itself -- and directly on the front page of the GOP website we're handed a great toe curler of a mission statement: "Serving a Cause Greater Than Self" - is this phrase actually DARING to be the message of the RNC? - or preferably, is this a moral challenge given to GOP leadership? It certainly produces confusion. It is equally inappropriate and dishonest. A group of Republican party leaders pledging to serve a cause greater than themselves is like asking a pack of hyenas to give up meat. A more conceivable slogan might be "Give someone else that parking spot" or "Be kind to cashiers, they're human too" - you know, something attainable. But leaping straight up to Buddhist philosophy seems a bit of a promised hamstring injury to this constituency.
This new "Serving a Cause Greater Than Self" pledge, conveniently couched with sudden empathy for southern blacks in Louisiana (where'd that one come from), is the sort of self-parody that suggests Republicans are writing their own satire. The problem with this sort of cock-eyed bullshit sloganeering is it just forces the reminder to anyone not drunk on the punch that the last ten years of Republican 'service' has been nothing but the most selfish, damaging, money-grabbing brutal nonsense; particularly indefensible is Republicans' harm to the its most loyal voter base, many now dead or permanently wounded. "Serving a Cause Greater Than Self", come now. I welcome the idea but that's like an ivory smuggler developing a stance on tusk rights, or poaching.
Taking a Cheap Shot at the RNC website - such a snoozer, Jpegs not even in attendance
Anyway, the sound of dueling pacemakers can mean only one thing - Tuesday's schedule. Let's look at a few screenshots from the RNC website:
And with the website come the jokes: What is this, the AARP? Geezers, 404 errors, and broken image links: the RNC's message to the digital age.
as of tuesday 11pm, many image links still broken
I know the RNC has been struggling with new ideas --like sympathizing with the disenfranchised and reacting to rain and wind-- but in the world of appearances, their website was a bit of broken joke today. Also, who made the photo selections shown above for Lieberman and Fred Thompson? They look like mental patients responding well to chemotherapy.
Today's schedule of events seems considerably muted to Monday's heavy altercations. Fortunately however, there does seem to be an excellent amount of coverage from all sides of the media spectrum. A couple comments:
1) Not to give too much attention to the cop gassings, but I continue to find humor in the visual similarities between an activated can of pepper spray and a bottle of Raid Wasp & Hornet Killer. Someone enterprising should begin marketing Raid as a toy for young riot police. I imagine a small room of G.I.Joes each getting properly crowd controlled. The police haven't made this look any less stupid in their method of delivery, often dousing protesters in sort of a fearful housewife anti-roach trembling gesture.
2) As for actual coverage - once again we refer to theuptake.org - today's coverage includes dramatic events covering all sorts of things, including a rather funny Three Stooges-esque prank on an arresting officer, a press conference from the mayor, and even toddlers. Visit UPTAKE.ORG and visit also their Youtube Channel.
Also, these dispatches from the RNC Welcoming Committee: Morning Update - Press Statement from the WC - and Coldsnap Update
- - - - - Satire - - - - -
Headline: AREA COMATOSE MAN REAWAKENS TO THINK IT IS NOV 3, 2004. "Street Riots Seem Appropriate"
In a fabricated report exclusive to this website, we bring you the story of Jeffrey Holmes, a Minneapolis resident who, after eating too much shellfish, lapsed into a coma four years ago Monday November 1st, 2004. Upon waking yesterday in the hospital and turning on the television, showing violence, he could only conclude the obvious: That Bush had won the 2004 re-election and people were appropriately rioting in revolt. "It feels good to see people aren't going to take this sitting down."
When informed that four years had passed and that this was, in fact, the first moment of actual massive street-level protest, Holmes could barely believe it. "Not even in Harlem?" He immediately lapsed back into a coma out of disbelief.
- - - Not Satire - - -
A LISTING OF TOPICS AND WORDS MENTIONED DURING RNC TUESDAY NIGHT CEREMONIES
Filthiest RNC quote heard entire evening goes to religious singer Rachael Lampa who begged in song, "Take my empty hands and fill them with your love."
And in closing, a very grim and joyless mood sets the difference between the RNC from the previously much-healthier-by-comparison DNC. The following is a small listing of health-related themes discussed at the podium during RNC Tuesday evening:
asthma, coughing fits, hemorrhaging legs, exploding kneecaps, knifed open throats, stabbed-in-skulls, mental problems, learning difficulty, stupidity, insanity, listlessness, war fatigue, shrapnel, infections, malaria, mosquito nets, ophans, child abandonment, stumped hands, stumped feat, hairlips, nervous triggers, anxiety, mercenary compliance, impending world war, religious strife, the sanctity of life, the sanctity of invasion, blood, broken bone, dental problems, and upset stomach.
We return tomorrow - RSS for updates.
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